20230420 Deep Space Domain Lord's Weekly Journal Chapter.27

Hey everyone! It's time for another weekly journal!

We spent a heartwarming 2nd anniversary together last Friday, Saturday, and Sunday~~ I couldn't help but cry again. I'm such a mess, Mian!

I wrote a handwritten letter to everyone for the anniversary, but since I went through so many drafts, I still feel like I couldn't completely condense all my feelings into it. Maybe in the future, when I want to share my feelings with you all, I'll want to add even more reflections to it? But for today, let me just type it out! This is version N of the handwritten letter!

Oh, but to avoid looking like I'm just padding the word count, I've put it at the very end. You can scroll down if you want to read it! LMAO.

(By the way, the song I'm listening to while typing this is "I Miss You So Much" by Sodagreen. MSN and Yahoo Messenger used to display the song you were listening to like this, right?)

Today I finished watching the second episode of Oshi no Ko. Because I've never read the manga, and the first episode was just so mind-blowing, I couldn't help but feel a little unaccustomed to the runtime of the second episode. Plus, the animation seemed slightly off? But that doesn't take away from the unexpected humor and the message it wants to share about the hardships of being an idol. The OP and ED for this show are absolutely incredible. The OP's lyrics depict Ai's life, while the ED's lyrics reveal Aqua's inner thoughts. Most importantly, the music and the vocals are genuinely beautiful. I really love the feeling of abrupt musical shifts. To me, these two songs perfectly convey the sudden, unexpected twists in life—that feeling of being caught completely off guard, yet somehow feeling like this was exactly how things were meant to be.

This week, I also played Getting Over It, a game I never wanted to touch until a sudden whim told me I should. Honestly, even though I've watched others play it before, I'd always just tune in for a bit before doing something else. My only impression of it was stuck at Steam reviews like "this will break you," "run away.jpg," and "why did I ever touch this game???" But after actually playing it, I genuinely think it's a game that helps you calm down and release stress. Especially after countless failed attempts, the sense of achievement when you finally make it gives you this sudden, massive boost of self-validation! Sure, I still slam my desk, but I actually kind of want to grind for the golden pot, or even attempt a 10-minute speedrun... but that would probably take forever, right? I'm not totally sure, since Getting Over It supposedly gets easier the more you play? Maybe I'll also try out some similar games (? Would you guys even want to watch that? LOL.

Alright, finally, let me talk about the novel I've been reading this week. I don't think I've recommended this one yet? It feels like it's almost finished, so I figured I'd share it. It's a Xianxia novel. The female lead uses modern concepts she learned, like the Pomodoro Technique, to efficiently manage her cultivation time. While her cultivation base seems low on the surface, she's actually cultivated a hundred dantians simultaneously. When she combines these dantians, her power skyrockets, allowing her to fight way above her level. Along the way, she also meets teammates she trusts with her life. However, after transmigrating into this cultivation world, she realizes her original body was murdered, and she was only resurrected because she took it over. To find her killer and get revenge, she and her team set off on a journey to cultivate as quickly as possible. Okay, why did my summary get so incredibly long???

The book's title is "The Number One Person in Efficient Cultivation" (效率修仙第一人). Highly recommend it to everyone~ So, below is version N of the handwritten letter! If you're not interested, I'll see you next week!

A Letter to Little Cottons and My 3rd-Anniversary Self

As I type these words, it's 11:46 PM on April 20th. This is a version that's been revised several times. With every draft, I hesitated about whether I should actually say all this to you guys, but I eventually typed it out anyway. These are words of gratitude for all of you, as well as some reminders for myself.

I really, truly want to thank the Little Cottons who constantly show up in the live chat. Whether you're here every day, occasionally, or just once in a blue moon, seeing your presence all the way up to today honestly gives me so much courage. I know many Little Cottons might only be able to watch Mian through VODs because of work or life, and only get the chance to pop into the live chat to say hi when you have a day off or some free time. I sincerely thank everyone for liking Mian :D For everyone who frequently watches live or catches up on VODs, you've probably heard me at my lowest quite a bit, yet you still heavily support and accept me just like close friends or family, giving me the strength to keep going. Sending everyone a massive hug! *Snuggle!*

(Oh, but I have a favor to ask the VOD gang: if possible, could you leave a comment after you finish watching, just to let me know you're still here? Please, please, please!)

Only after becoming a VTuber did I realize how much the comings and goings of the audience affect my own thoughts. Just as viewers feel a sense of loss when a VTuber graduates, a VTuber feels that exact same sense of loss when viewers come and go. So, I also want to say to the Cottons I haven't seen in a really, really long time, and whom I rarely get to interact with directly anymore: thank you for still remembering Mian! For the 2nd anniversary, I received two songs and so many heartfelt wishes. I honestly never imagined I could receive such precious sentiments from you all.

These two songs and all those heartfelt blessings hold a very special meaning for my VTuber career—especially seeing so many Cottons I haven't seen in ages, alongside the familiar names I see all the time!

To the Cottons I haven't seen in a while: thank you so much for your special wishes on this special day. I used to feel so awful—whenever busy Cottons gradually stopped showing up in chat, Discord, or even Twitter, I'd get incredibly sad. Often, I'd toss and turn at night, unable to sleep XD. There are plenty of reasons why everyone in chat can't watch streams for long periods anymore, and I totally understand those reasons~ But I'd still get scared, wondering if I'd done something to hurt you and that's why you stopped watching... So the moment I saw those familiar names pop back up, honestly, the tears just came pouring out! Being able to confirm that you don't completely hate me is truly a massive relief. Ah, Mian overthinks and talks way too much, but if I don't say it out loud, you guys will never know my true thoughts!

I'd like to ask everyone a favor: if you ever stop watching Mian for whatever reason, could you let me know so the heavy rock on my chest can finally drop? (Why does it feel like this whole letter is just me begging you guys for things? Oh right, remember to sign your name!) Whether you're busy, or my words and actions made you stop liking me, any reason is totally fine! Just break it to me "gently"! And if one day in the future you ever find yourself liking me again, don't worry about it being awkward—just come to the chat and talk to me. I'll be so, so, so happy to have you back!

(For those who have already given Mian a heads-up, I know who you are. Thank you for being willing to tell me, love! I'll always be looking forward to your return! I miss you guys!)

But ultimately, whether or not you tell Mian you're leaving is entirely up to you! Because Mian, who now has these two treasures, can face it very calmly. I'll carry my longing for you all with me and continue working hard on my streams!

And to my super familiar Cottons: regardless of when you started watching Mian or when you became a fan—past or future—thank you for participating in the growth of the Deep Space Domain. Bringing you joy is truly the only thing I can do, and I'm so grateful you're willing to participate in these events and show me how much you care! When my spirit body is old enough to be a grandma telling stories to her grandkids, I'll definitely say, "Back in the day, your grandma used to receive the most radiant, sun-warm feelings from her Little Cottons..."

The events over these past two years have been incredibly meaningful to me. I've experienced so much, realized so many truths, gotten to know myself on a deeper level, and received the companionship and love of so many people. Most importantly, the joy and sense of achievement I get from playing games has successfully reached you all, right? I'll keep doing just that from here on out! I could never be a perfect idol (*YOASOBI's "Idol" suddenly starts playing*). I can only be a chatty streamer, so thank you for liking me just the way I am! I love you guys too! I was so dense and awkward when I first started, and I guess I still am, but I'm improving because of you all. From my initial blind confidence (seriously, where did that even come from XD) to having zero confidence (sorry, I'm always doubting myself), to gradually being able to confidently list off my own strengths (pure, cute, elegant, a little secretly wicked, smart, blablabla)—let's reap everything we deserve together! Let's keep pushing forward!

See you in next week's journal. Goodnight!